The Ten Commandments from a Non-Dualist Perspective, #5 (Honor Thy Father and Mother)

YAMA: The Fifth Commandment?

DISCIPLE: Honor thy father and thy mother so that one’s days are long upon the earth.

YAMA: There are two levels I will speak upon. The first is the material level that is a reminder that without your mother and father you would not be here; at least in the form that you find yourself in. Your parents have not only given you a portal in which to come into this world, both of them have colored you by each of their hereditary lines or the spirits of their ancestors.

DISCIPLE: I am not sure if that is a good thing when you look at some of my ancestors.

YAMA: It is neither good nor bad. It simply is. Whether you like it or not the actions of your ancestors have had an influence on you.

DISCIPLE: How?

YAMA: Your great grandfather, for example, had a very cold, removed personality who gave corporeal punishment as a way to mold the behavior of his son, your grandfather. This manner of expression your great grandfather passed on to his son and he passed it on to his—your father. You grew up in such conditions.

DISCIPLE: Yeah, but I do not have to pass it on.

YAMA: Only if you honor your father.

DISCIPLE: Why should I honor him? He doesn’t even speak to me.

YAMA: Honoring does not mean to like what the person does, but to see them in high regard.

DISCIPLE: How can I see him or anyone in high regard if their actions do not warrant it? That’s ridiculous.

Yama smiled and pointed to the crucifix on the wall, where Jesus has hung in agony for hundreds of years.

YAMA: Do you think Jesus liked what his people did?

DISCIPLE: No.

YAMA: Do you doubt that he not only honored the people who put him upon the cross, but his Father as well, by whose Will caused the crucifixion to occur as well?

DISCIPLE: No.

YAMA: So it is with your earthly father. Without him you would not have learned many of the lessons you have learned nor be the person you are today. To honor thy father and mother it is to look beyond their actions to the Eternal Father/Mother where we all arise and reside within. Can you find any positive traits that your father has manifested?

I nodded my head.

DISCIPLE: Many.

Man in Orange (Portrait of my Father), Janaka Stagnaro

YAMA: If you can focus on those traits you will honor your father and those positive traits, which are seeds, will continue to grow and manifest in you. And those traits that have been as a poison to you, thank him for showing you what not to do and to give you a challenge to overcome. For without a challenge one’s soul does not grow. Believe me, if you had found yourself in the household that you think you should have been brought up in you would have grown weak in many ways.

This holds true with your mother as well. One cannot honor one parent and dishonor the other if one wants to live fully on this earth. Both the masculine and the feminine must be equally embraced or one will not go forward, but will go in a circle, like a cart with one wheel not working. Everyone has their parents living in them.

DISCIPLE: I hear you Yama about honoring the gifts of my parents, both the pleasant and the bitter ones. However, what about when one begins to be an adult and your parents tell you to do one thing but your heart tells you to do what they are forbidding you to do. To whom does one listen?

YAMA: To listen to your heart, is to listen to me as Dharma, reminding you that your time on earth is coming to a close and thus you must act accordingly. Will you have regrets for what you did not do when I come as death? And for that matter, for what you did do? With that in mind, who holds more weight in the scheme of things: your parents or Dharma?

DISCIPLE: Dharma, of course. For Dharma is Eternal. Even the gods must follow Dharma.

YAMA: Then that is your answer. In truth, by following your Dharma you honor your parents, although they most likely will not tell you so. Yet there comes a time when a parent’s role is that of the guardian of the threshold. They are a test, telling you that you must go the other way while their soul wants you to pass through them.

DISCIPLE: Is that why Jesus said that we must say goodbye to our families if we were to follow him?

YAMA: Yes, for he was speaking as the Living Truth, and not as a personality. With each moment one must think of following Truth and not the dictates of the material needs of survival. If one lives by survival needs then one believes he is a body and surely death will come soon enough. But if one follows the quest for Truth in each moment there exists only the Eternal.

DISCIPLE: Well I have a family to feed. By going to work and providing for my family, am I then not following Dharma?

YAMA: As long as the work is such that when you die and you watch the movie of your experiences on earth you are not going to wince and cover your eyes. In other words you will have no regrets about your actions.

I was about ready to raise another question when Yama motioned me to silence. He reached over and tapped my chest.

YAMA: Here is the place, beyond all the ranting of thoughts, that calls for your mind to come and rest within.

A vibration filled my being. I felt like my body was a buzz of atoms spinning around and keeping a tentative form, like an oscillating cloud of gnats. My eyes fell shut. My thoughts disappeared. Even the thought of searching for thoughts I could not create. I looked for the source of me but I could not find any specific place. Only an Awareness existed and I was That….

                             --The Teachings of Yama: A Conversation with Death, Addendum I